When one goes down into the subway various thoughts run through their head. I wonder what crazy people touching themselves I am going to be in close proximity to today. or Hopefully the train is running on time because I have used the excuse the train was running late one too many times this week. or the always fun... I hope I win at guess the smell today. Yet, many people do not have the thought I hope I don't get stuck in the subway, be berated by angry woman police officers, be saved by the hottest cop in NYC, only to get stuck in an elevator 20 minutes later. Luckily, my good friend Alyson and I had the pleasure of living out this rarely thought notion.
It all started at 4:00 am when we woke up to get on a train to NYC so I could walk down a hallway in an episode of Rescue Me - oh the irony. (Alyson is way too good of a friend, but you will see this more and more as the day progresses) We arrive just as the train is pulling up and on we go! We arrive to the hustle and bustle of the morning commuters all furiously scurrying to their high power office jobs. They pick up their morning coffee at the 12 Dunkin Donuts they pass and Alyson and I make our way to the subway, super hungry, because even though we awoke at the crack of freaking dawn, we somehow were running a bit late.
We go down the elevator and get onto the subway we believed was bound for my job on Roosevelt Island. (I have deemed this a place normal people should avoid. Seriously if you want to be part of NYC, push your island closer so that we can take a freaking bus to you) Sadly, we were going the wrong way. Now, normally this would not be a problem. So, we get off at an "accessible" station assuming that we could just cross over and get on the correct train, and only be a few minutes late. haha! Hold it right there. The universe said we're not making it that easy. Sorry! We get out to find the elevator is broken and this is the last accessible station. Awesome! Alyson gets on the little intercom to a lady that one can only describe as the person who applied for the greeter at the Oz door but didn't get the job and has since then had her soul sucked out by a bus Little Mermaid style. Needless to say she was the least helpful person ever and I decided to walk over and talk to the people running the subway. Now I understand that being from another country often prohibits you from understanding what I am saying to you, but looking at me like I have just pushed an old lady with a walker onto the tracks and stole her apples is not necessary. Finally they called over the two female cops that were just a joy to speak with. And when I say a joy, what I really mean is I would rather hit myself with a frying pan than speak with them again. After us explaining the situation to these two people whose job description is help people in need, they refused to help us stating it was agaist their rules. Yeah...
So Alyson goes up to make a phone call for me, and while she is up there, down the stairs came my four knights in shining... well... navy blue police uniforms. Officer McCartney (I love you... if you are reading this... I don't live far... we can make this work), Officer Alfonso, Officer Tornin and Officer Wecantrememberhisnamebuthewasverynice. After getting in a heated argument with the bitch officers, they came to the conclusion that they would carry my chair up the stairs while Alyson takes me up. How they carried it up the stairs was much like the four guys carrying the volkswagon in that Mentos commercial, minus the mentos. I will always carry mentos for these moments. (Kudos to that comparison, Aly)
7:45 am - HURRAY! We're out and ready to go down the other elevator and get to my job! We get in and yes happy reader, we get to the bottom and the door will not open. So, we try again only to get stuck 3 feet above the floor and the door now jammed. How great! Now we're stuck in the elevator. We call our soulless friend on the intercom again who does a whole lot of nothing. Down come our band of merry police officers who try to pry us out. As strong (and beautiful) as they (well, one of them) were they were unsuccessful. So, they call... The fire department! Woo! We decided that seeing as I needed to go to a hospital, if they had shot us, people would have arrived quicker and I would have gotten to my job! It was a win win... Unfortunately they did not agree. Finally 45 minutes, a few panic attacks and the game of guess the rancid smell having lost it's entertainment value later, the firefighter (in full uniform I might add) arrives! He frees us from our pee filled shack, without using his ax. (bummer...)
We get on our train, get to my job at Rescue Me (so grateful that they allowed me to work), laughed at the irony that I became the most dedicated method actor ever, vowed never to ride the subway again, became so incredibly grateful to have Alyson, ended up getting roses at SuperMac and had a great day. Still, the journey to get there was definitely not boring. Just another day in my crazy life. :)
