Chuck Norris the Van Facts

I created this list in honor of my new van, Chuck Norris... the irony is that he isn't working correctly at the moment... oh well... still enjoyable!

1. Chuck Norris doesn't need his oil changed. His oil changes itself.
2. Chuck Norris isn't driven, he's already there.
3. Chuck Norris's handicap plate doesn't signify his disability, rather his ability to make you handicap if you cut him off.
4. All of Chuck Norris's belts are black and can round house kick you in the face.
5. Chuck Norris doesn't need breaks. Traffic moves around him.
6. Chuck Norris doesn't need gas. He runs on the tears of children.
7. Chuck Norris doesn't need windshield wipes. Rain repels from the windshield out of fear.
8. Chuck Norris can go from 0 - awesome in .000000001 seconds.
9. Chuck Norris's transmission was renamed mission accomplished.
10. Once a 2009 Escalade cut off Chuck Norris, and he round house kicked him into a 1971 Ford Pinto.
11. Emergency vehicles pull to the side when they see Chuck Norris coming.
12. Buckle up for Chuck Norris. He is the law.
13. Chuck Norris doesn't have to worry about speeding tickets because you can't clock awesome.
14. Chuck Norris's unborn child can kick your kid on honor roll's ass.