Curious Case Of Weezer... Button

I spend a large majority of my day in my van. Therefore, I also receive a generous radio intake. In between the 500 commercials, the radio stations to which I listen play a lot of Weezer songs. Had this been 10 years ago, I would have been ecstatic. Yet, with their latest release, “I’m Your Daddy,” I am pushed to question if Weezer has just decided to give up on songwriting, or whether something else is going on. As I sit in the parking lot known as 95 during rush hour, an amazing conclusion popped into my head. I don’t think their gradual loss of musical ability is their fault. I think that Weezer’s music career is regressing in age, ala Benjamin Button.

Let’s observe the facts, their debut album in 1994 contained the song “Buddy Holly.” They used unique melody lines paired with interesting, clever and intelligent lyrical references. Was it quirky? Of course! Was it brilliant and fun all rolled into a ball? Most definitely. Paired with Spike Jones, they thought to superimpose themselves into a Happy Days inspired video. I still question how they made that happen. Okay, not really, I know how it was done... but go with me. The album didn’t end with “Buddy Holly,” “Say it Ain’t So” (probably my favorite) and “Undone - The Sweater Song” also graced one of the most well conceived debut albums. The prime of their lives.

Pinkerton, is when the regression starts to begin. Not because I think the songs are awful, I actually think “The Good Life” is a super fun song with great melodic structure. Yet, it was voted by Rolling Stone as one of the worst albums of 1996. This is the awkward right out of college, figuring out what to do with your life stage of their musical career.

I loved Island in the Sun when I was a freshman in college. Which is truly what this portion of their musical career represents. The fun, happy-go-lucky time when it really doesn’t matter if you say interesting things, because you’re probably drunk anyway. The college years.

Keep Fishin had a musical video featuring the Muppets. The Muppets are freaking awesome, but I feel as though they were trying to appeal to the high school demographic that thinks it quirky to like the muppets. They don’t really know why, but it has to be a psychological desire to stay a kid while rebelling against their authoritative figures. The song is very simple, and catchy, perfect for the high school setting.

When Beverly Hills came out, they sounded like rich freshman talking about how they didn’t get their island for their birthday. Just like I want to punch freshman, I often punched my radio after yelling, “You are a part of Beverly Hills, asshole!! You have tons of money! This isn’t ironic, it’s just annoying.”

Finally, Raditude. I feel like I am listening to a middle school kid do a project for school. I almost wish he paid a kid in Jr. High to write down some thoughts in homeroom for these songs. It would be a better story. “The rest of the summer was the best we've ever had/We watched titanic and it didn't make us sad/I took you to Best Buy/You took me home to meet your mom and dad” REALLY? How old are you? Answer: In musical regression career years: 12.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button may have been adapted from F. Scott Fitzgerald, but he must have been a time traveller because his short story is adapted from Weezer’s career.

Thoughts from the City

While killing time in New York, I find myself alone in my thoughts... Here's a look inside my thoughts from the other day...

- Times square has the single largest Target ad of all time. Where is the Target in which the people looking at the ad can experience the joy that is buying an extremely cute purse and granola bars all at one amazing shot? New Jersey. Therefore, under further analyzation, this is actually a HUGE ad for Jersey. You're welcome, New Jersey.

- The idea of mugging someone is not something that has ever entered into my thought stream. Then a woman carrying two bags of Crumbs cupcakes started walking next to me. I've never wanted punch a small elderly woman and take her bags of cupcakes so badly... by the time I decided it would be worth it, she was gone. Watch out lady... next time... next time...

- Mac and Cheese wins. I would like to give the inventor a hug.

- While standing in St. Patrick's Cathedral, the song Hallelujah came on. That was fucking weird....

- When I act, I liken myself to John Mayer. I have talent, but the faces I make are absolutely ridiculous. I would... and do... make fun of myself.

- HOLY SHIT!!!! (After getting almost killed by a taxi that doesn't seem to understand traffic signals.)

That's all for now from the crazy head of Shannon.. stay tuned for more...

Old Blogs

I found some old blogs on MySpace... I know! So, 2008... I'm closing my myspace because I have forgotten about it, but these blogs made me smile, so I thought I'd throw them on here... I hope you enjoy...

Kids 11/18
At 25, most females my age are thinking about having children and starting families. As I sit here at my computer, Yellowcard pop-punk fusion blasting and a picture of a the Simpson inspiring donut store as my background, I am thinking perhaps not where my head is located at this time. Yet, after just viewing my friend's myspace and the new pictures of her child all dressed up for Halloween the urge to have a child grew. Reason – The ability to have get free candy comes flying back into the picture. If you have a child you can go trick or treating again! Okay, yes, you have to deal with the temper tantrums, the crying, the pooping, the waking you up at 5 in the morning to tell you that they are hungry when clearly the fruit loops are sitting right on the shelf and they could go grab them but don't for God knows what reason… okay… scratch that…new plan. I will borrow my friend's children on Halloween. "After a long day at your responsible real job, I'm sure the last thing you feel like doing is taking your kids door to door in the cold. I'm not doing anything tonight. Why don't I take them for you? … No, it's no trouble at all… I am that good of a friend." Then you bring an extra bag and say, "Do you mind throwing an extra piece in this bag for Suzie's (yeah, no kids are named Suzie these day…) uh for Apple's younger brother Cumquat? He is home sick and we don't want to leave him out." Bag of candy for you, check! Granted you would have to go to a different development each year, but totally worth it. Plus, it's a solid reason to break out my killer Rainbow Brite costume. It's perfectly natural to feel jealous of my brilliance. Feel free to borrow. I'm here to help guide you.

Staples 1/8

For those of you who know my peeve with Staples, you know this blog letter is a long time coming...

Dear Staples,

Hello. First, thank you for making a store that you can purchase a large red button that boasts the statement, "That was Easy." Solid gold. Yet, I do have a little tiff I would like to share with you. Yesterday while fastening headshots and resumes together with my fantastic purple one touch staples stapler I was miffed to find that I had run out of staples. I was required to go purchase some more. So where else would I go but to the store by the same name? As I entered the haven of office supplies with the bright red sign I expected to find a large display of staples in front of the store. Much to my dismay they were no where to be found. Um, hi, Staples, YOU ARE NAMED FOR A PRODUCT THAT CAN'T BE FOUND IN YOUR STORE! As I quickly surveyed the store, I finally found them all the way in the back in an aisle that had a light bulb missing and some unidentified liquid dripping from the ceiling. Only then to find I had a choice between a Sam's Clubs type box of 80 million staples, that even if I walked around my house stapling everything I saw together, I would never be able to use all of them OR the mini white castle burger sized box that if I only got one would make me need more within 5 minutes. Irritated I bought the giant box. Sad to report that my brother was not happy that I stapled his socks together instead of folding them, but I had to use the staples. Let me give you a little advice, "STAPLES". If I ran your store I would have a huge freaking display in the front of the store with staples in various colors and shapes with fun shaped staplers. The hole punch figured this out years ago... welcome to creativity, Staples. Nonetheless, you have inspired me. Please look for the grand opening of my new store Lamps. We are going to be your one stop shopping for books.

xoxo,
Shannon :)

The "Joys" of Dating 3/22

In 6 days I am turning 26... or as I am calling it 25 take two. At 25 (v. 2.0), you tend to watch your friends have serious relationships, start to get married, or even, scary as it is (see kids blog) starting families. So, I thought it was time for me to hardcore dive in the dating world. It is something that truly takes a backseat in my life for lots of reasons, but mainly because sending out headshots, going to classes and pretending to be other people seems to take a lot of time. Yet, it seemed that I should make a valiant attempt. Today was supposed to be day one of this new adventure. I know what you’re saying, but Shannon, it’s 9:30 on Friday night and you’re writing a blog, was it that bad? You’re right, here I am in front of my little Mac Power book, with a grilled cheese sandwich and the NCAA Tournament... in my pjs. Why, may you ask? Here’s the thing. The moral of today’s story is that some people haven’t been privy to the lesson on how to not suck. Some people, I wont mention any names, but his name begins with a B and rhymes with fryin, send you e-mails that you didn’t think people actually send. Little history for your edification, we talked on the phone and had tons in common and I thought it was only fair to let him know before we met that I am in a wheelchair. I didn’t really think anything of it, except that I don’t like to hide who I am or try to fool someone into hanging out with me. I got an e-mail back, in response. You know what... I think that you need to read this e-mail for yourself. The following is not made up... I don’t even think I could make this up...

Sorry, but I think we should call it off. The wheelchair kinda changes things.
I’m disappointed because I was really looking forward to meeting you. You really seemed pretty much perfect for me. But, I don’t want to waste either of our time because I already know that this will be a deal breaker for me.
Good luck.

Okay buddy, here is the thing. 1. You’re "disappointed?" What would you like me to do? Do you want me to fix the fact that I am in a wheelchair? This is not a oh I’m disappointed, I thought you liked Sushi. How do you even write that? OH! Side note on this winner of a dude... he is a professor at the University of Pennsylvania. I guess when you study all the time, tact really doesn’t enter your sphere of learning. And 2. I "seemed pretty perfect for you", but not if I am sitting down? I don’t have leprosy. You can’t catch wheelchair. Maybe he didn’t know. Perhaps I should have informed him.

So, day one of Shannon’s dating extravaganza didn’t really go as I had planned. Although, grilled cheese and March Madness seems to make much more sense...even though I will probably loose the pool for the 6th year in a row. Eh. Moving on. I’m going to get a cookie.

Election Time 9/16

During the writers strike and my TiVo’s lack of usage, I turned to the next best thing. I began watching a lot about the upcoming election. From the debates asking the same six questions with minimal word rearranging to the flying pie charts on CNN to the always correct internet stories and finally probably the most credible source, Comedy Central, I watched or read it all. Though my top choices seemed to bail out early (Steven Colbert), my support fell to the always charismatic Obama. Perhaps the best candidate in my mind, yet flawed, I began to ponder who I would vote for if I could pick the ideal candidate. Someone who could lead our country to a fruitful economy, great foreign relationships and a generally happy society free from most of the hardships we seem to have an abundance of these days. After much debate with myself and a lot of frozen yogurt, I came to a name that I feel would fulfill all these things. Santa. Yep. Santa. Wait, hear me out! Regardless of your religion, it is common consensus that he is one of the most jolly people of all time. Looking at him and not smiling or being a little happier would require a lack of soul, which would make finding those people much easier. He doesn’t falter under pressure and is very ambitious. Santa cares about the human race and only has the best interest of his people in mind. His foreign relation skills are outstanding! I’ve seen the Santa tracker. Every year he goes to every country and checks in to open arms. He is also extremely efficient and gets crap done. Not only does he finish things he sets out to do, but he surrounds himself with hard workers who are also devoted to the best interest of the people. With their little person stature, they bring diversity that is lacking in the white house. Furthermore, (and this was what sold me) his ability to know where we are at all times, see when we’re sleeping and knowing when we are awake, as well as knowing when we’ve been bad or good would be insanely helpful to the CIA. We could just show him a picture of a bad guy. Santa can say, "Yep. He’s awake, he’s in a cave in blah bliddy blah and yep, he’s been a bastard." The CIA or Military can then go in, get the little prick and the problem is solved rather than developing a huge war that destroys our economy, country moral and foreign relations. Not that anything like that has happened... Finally, with Santa comes presents!! Who doesn’t like presents? Okay, maybe those poor people that had to pay crazy high taxes on the free cars from Oprah, but on the whole, No one! I bet if you went to take a tour of the white house, you’d leave with new and exciting knowledge about our presidents and the white house...and a pony. So, in conclusion, I think Santa would be an ideal choice. He’s always dressed in a suit and while it has been suggested that he has a history of breaking and entering, no formal charges have ever been filed and he has never been convicted. Vote Santa 2008. Thank you for your time. :)

Adventures at Jack's Mannequin

The night began as a simple quest. Have a fun, see great band, and make fun of kids who all dress the same even though think they are unique. It’s amazing how one stray prosthetic leg can send you on a different path.

Jenny and I left dinner, Jack’s Mannequin at the Electric Factory bound. We found an excellent parking spot, if I do say so myself, and in we went. Pushing through a crowd of kids that appeared to be up way past their bed time, we made it to the little disabled “pen.” I can only equate it to an inside wooden deck with a ramp. We sat next to this girl on crutches and her friend. The four of us sat along the front railing, making us lucky enough to sit next to the bar area. I know... you’re shocked that there is a bar area. Me too! Any way... Up came a married couple and a kid who I am going to assume was the girl’s brother or gay friend. I have yet to decide. Either way, they were dancing... Well the gay best friend/brother, lets call him Justin, was dancing, the husband on the other hand was doing something that is going to haunt me in my sleep. I don’t want to go into more detail in case you have fantastic imaginations and you can envision the things I saw. How anyone can have rhythm that is opposite of the beat boggles my mind. I digress, it was nearing the end of the concert and the band had begun their encore when a drunk Justin turns to Jenny and I and yells, “Are you ready for this?” Me being the smart ass that I am responds with, “I don’t think anyone is ready for you.” He didn’t seem to get it. Then he turns to the girl next to us and the following dialogue begins...

“Come on! Are you ready to JUMP!?” says Justin, excitedly.
“Well, No, I am on crutches,” declared the girl next to me... on crutches.
“It’s cool! I have a prosthetic leg.”
To which I said, dripping with sarcasm, “Of course you do...”
“No seriously! LOOK!”

Then Justin proceeds to take off his leg and placed it on the banister in front of us. That just happened. Just when I thought it couldn’t get weirder, Justin hands his leg to the crowd. The kid he handed it to looked insanely confused, shrugged his shoulders as to say whatever, and then sent the leg crowd surfing. All the kids who were taking pictures of the show turned in unison to snap pictures of the leg floating over the sea of people like a buoy in rough waters, only funnier. The only thing that could top that sight, was the reaction Justin had to the incident. Crutches girl - “Don’t you need that to walk?!” Justin, very nonchalant - “Meh, yeah.” This friends seemed to unfazed by the whole scenario, as though he does this kind of thing regularly. There’s Justin, passing his leg around again.

I feel like many missed connections could have been written that night... Here are a few that I imagined...

To now potentially legless drunk kid at Jack’s Mannequin Concert - W4M - 27:
I have seen a lot of shit in my day, but I have to tell you seeing your leg crowd surf over a packed house of 15 year olds was probably the greatest thing of all time. Thank you for making my night a little better.

To My Leg - M4NoGender - 4:
We were together for four years. You kept me supported and upright, allowing me to walk through the world without falling over. In a drunken state I sent you away. It’s been a few days and I miss your support. Leg, if you’re reading this, please email, text or poke me on FaceBook.

Vampire or Werewolf?

I work at a store. My job includes fixing electronic devices. I can’t say more or the swat team will fly in through my windows and take me away. If this blog goes unfinished... you know why. Any way... I meet people from all walks of life every day. Even though there is generally small talk exchanged, I often wonder if the guy wearing glasses and carrying a briefcase is actually a spy or perhaps the lady with Bump-It is actually an infomercial product model. While amassing the stories in my mind about the people I meet, a thought popped into my head. I wonder if a Vampire or a Werewolf ever came into our store. Followup question - Who would I rather help? Now obviously a Werewolf, pre-morph, and by Twilight standards (not that I have seen those movies... more than once...) means that I would be required to help an attractive guy sans shirt with rock hard abs. Umm.. end of conversation. You’d have to have been mauled by the Werewolf first, not to choose to help him. Even then, if you’re a girl and still alive, let’s be honest, you’d still choose to help the Werewolf.

Still, when the Werewolf morphs, his jean shorts seem to rip off so quickly that they disappear almost simultaneously. Physical damage to the product. Seeing as the probably have no recollection of the incident happening, a fight would ensue over whether they actually damaged the aforementioned product. I don’t have the time or energy to explain that even if the “other you” broke the product, it’s still your body, therefore, not my fault. Furthermore, there is a strong possibility that upon inspection of the device, there could be remnants of last nights “kill.” Seeing as I close my eyes during a surgery scene during Grey’s Anatomy, I’m thinking my stomach wouldn’t be able to handle potential flesh, hair and blood causing electronic malfunction. I actually just threw up in my mouth a little after thinking about the previous sentence.

Moving on... our other option is the Vampire. If a man came into my store looking down and to the left while looking as though a bottle of glitter threw up on him, the only thing that would proceed that encounter would be 20 minutes of solid laughter. Bonus points for making me laugh. Also, he would probably recall how the phone was damaged, so hopefully there wouldn’t be too much of an argument. Still, the liquid damage would probably be blood... and we know where I sit on that matter. Yet, it would be better than flesh... Finally, Vampires are super speedy, so I feel like they would run away before paying, which would leave me deprived of a job.

I think the finally factor needs to be how quickly can one escape if said Vampire or Werewolf tried to attack. I am pretty sure guns would not be appropriate in the work place, hence the ability to shoot the werewolf with a silver bullet may prove difficult. Whereas, if the vampire decided to attack, there is plenty of wood around and lots of boys who would enjoy making a stake to shove in one’s heart. Plus, if it’s day time I can always run outside and make them melt Wicked Witch style.

Therefore, I think my verdict is Vampire. Less arguing, more laughter and a solid escape route. Vampires welcome. Werewolves, there is another store down the street with appointments. Thanks for your time.