I found some old blogs on MySpace... I know! So, 2008... I'm closing my myspace because I have forgotten about it, but these blogs made me smile, so I thought I'd throw them on here... I hope you enjoy...
Kids 11/18
At 25, most females my age are thinking about having children and starting families. As I sit here at my computer, Yellowcard pop-punk fusion blasting and a picture of a the Simpson inspiring donut store as my background, I am thinking perhaps not where my head is located at this time. Yet, after just viewing my friend's myspace and the new pictures of her child all dressed up for Halloween the urge to have a child grew. Reason – The ability to have get free candy comes flying back into the picture. If you have a child you can go trick or treating again! Okay, yes, you have to deal with the temper tantrums, the crying, the pooping, the waking you up at 5 in the morning to tell you that they are hungry when clearly the fruit loops are sitting right on the shelf and they could go grab them but don't for God knows what reason… okay… scratch that…new plan. I will borrow my friend's children on Halloween. "After a long day at your responsible real job, I'm sure the last thing you feel like doing is taking your kids door to door in the cold. I'm not doing anything tonight. Why don't I take them for you? … No, it's no trouble at all… I am that good of a friend." Then you bring an extra bag and say, "Do you mind throwing an extra piece in this bag for Suzie's (yeah, no kids are named Suzie these day…) uh for Apple's younger brother Cumquat? He is home sick and we don't want to leave him out." Bag of candy for you, check! Granted you would have to go to a different development each year, but totally worth it. Plus, it's a solid reason to break out my killer Rainbow Brite costume. It's perfectly natural to feel jealous of my brilliance. Feel free to borrow. I'm here to help guide you.
Staples 1/8
For those of you who know my peeve with Staples, you know this blog letter is a long time coming...
Dear Staples,
Hello. First, thank you for making a store that you can purchase a large red button that boasts the statement, "That was Easy." Solid gold. Yet, I do have a little tiff I would like to share with you. Yesterday while fastening headshots and resumes together with my fantastic purple one touch staples stapler I was miffed to find that I had run out of staples. I was required to go purchase some more. So where else would I go but to the store by the same name? As I entered the haven of office supplies with the bright red sign I expected to find a large display of staples in front of the store. Much to my dismay they were no where to be found. Um, hi, Staples, YOU ARE NAMED FOR A PRODUCT THAT CAN'T BE FOUND IN YOUR STORE! As I quickly surveyed the store, I finally found them all the way in the back in an aisle that had a light bulb missing and some unidentified liquid dripping from the ceiling. Only then to find I had a choice between a Sam's Clubs type box of 80 million staples, that even if I walked around my house stapling everything I saw together, I would never be able to use all of them OR the mini white castle burger sized box that if I only got one would make me need more within 5 minutes. Irritated I bought the giant box. Sad to report that my brother was not happy that I stapled his socks together instead of folding them, but I had to use the staples. Let me give you a little advice, "STAPLES". If I ran your store I would have a huge freaking display in the front of the store with staples in various colors and shapes with fun shaped staplers. The hole punch figured this out years ago... welcome to creativity, Staples. Nonetheless, you have inspired me. Please look for the grand opening of my new store Lamps. We are going to be your one stop shopping for books.
xoxo,
Shannon :)
The "Joys" of Dating 3/22
In 6 days I am turning 26... or as I am calling it 25 take two. At 25 (v. 2.0), you tend to watch your friends have serious relationships, start to get married, or even, scary as it is (see kids blog) starting families. So, I thought it was time for me to hardcore dive in the dating world. It is something that truly takes a backseat in my life for lots of reasons, but mainly because sending out headshots, going to classes and pretending to be other people seems to take a lot of time. Yet, it seemed that I should make a valiant attempt. Today was supposed to be day one of this new adventure. I know what you’re saying, but Shannon, it’s 9:30 on Friday night and you’re writing a blog, was it that bad? You’re right, here I am in front of my little Mac Power book, with a grilled cheese sandwich and the NCAA Tournament... in my pjs. Why, may you ask? Here’s the thing. The moral of today’s story is that some people haven’t been privy to the lesson on how to not suck. Some people, I wont mention any names, but his name begins with a B and rhymes with fryin, send you e-mails that you didn’t think people actually send. Little history for your edification, we talked on the phone and had tons in common and I thought it was only fair to let him know before we met that I am in a wheelchair. I didn’t really think anything of it, except that I don’t like to hide who I am or try to fool someone into hanging out with me. I got an e-mail back, in response. You know what... I think that you need to read this e-mail for yourself. The following is not made up... I don’t even think I could make this up...
Sorry, but I think we should call it off. The wheelchair kinda changes things.
I’m disappointed because I was really looking forward to meeting you. You really seemed pretty much perfect for me. But, I don’t want to waste either of our time because I already know that this will be a deal breaker for me.
Good luck.
Okay buddy, here is the thing. 1. You’re "disappointed?" What would you like me to do? Do you want me to fix the fact that I am in a wheelchair? This is not a oh I’m disappointed, I thought you liked Sushi. How do you even write that? OH! Side note on this winner of a dude... he is a professor at the University of Pennsylvania. I guess when you study all the time, tact really doesn’t enter your sphere of learning. And 2. I "seemed pretty perfect for you", but not if I am sitting down? I don’t have leprosy. You can’t catch wheelchair. Maybe he didn’t know. Perhaps I should have informed him.
So, day one of Shannon’s dating extravaganza didn’t really go as I had planned. Although, grilled cheese and March Madness seems to make much more sense...even though I will probably loose the pool for the 6th year in a row. Eh. Moving on. I’m going to get a cookie.
Election Time 9/16
During the writers strike and my TiVo’s lack of usage, I turned to the next best thing. I began watching a lot about the upcoming election. From the debates asking the same six questions with minimal word rearranging to the flying pie charts on CNN to the always correct internet stories and finally probably the most credible source, Comedy Central, I watched or read it all. Though my top choices seemed to bail out early (Steven Colbert), my support fell to the always charismatic Obama. Perhaps the best candidate in my mind, yet flawed, I began to ponder who I would vote for if I could pick the ideal candidate. Someone who could lead our country to a fruitful economy, great foreign relationships and a generally happy society free from most of the hardships we seem to have an abundance of these days. After much debate with myself and a lot of frozen yogurt, I came to a name that I feel would fulfill all these things. Santa. Yep. Santa. Wait, hear me out! Regardless of your religion, it is common consensus that he is one of the most jolly people of all time. Looking at him and not smiling or being a little happier would require a lack of soul, which would make finding those people much easier. He doesn’t falter under pressure and is very ambitious. Santa cares about the human race and only has the best interest of his people in mind. His foreign relation skills are outstanding! I’ve seen the Santa tracker. Every year he goes to every country and checks in to open arms. He is also extremely efficient and gets crap done. Not only does he finish things he sets out to do, but he surrounds himself with hard workers who are also devoted to the best interest of the people. With their little person stature, they bring diversity that is lacking in the white house. Furthermore, (and this was what sold me) his ability to know where we are at all times, see when we’re sleeping and knowing when we are awake, as well as knowing when we’ve been bad or good would be insanely helpful to the CIA. We could just show him a picture of a bad guy. Santa can say, "Yep. He’s awake, he’s in a cave in blah bliddy blah and yep, he’s been a bastard." The CIA or Military can then go in, get the little prick and the problem is solved rather than developing a huge war that destroys our economy, country moral and foreign relations. Not that anything like that has happened... Finally, with Santa comes presents!! Who doesn’t like presents? Okay, maybe those poor people that had to pay crazy high taxes on the free cars from Oprah, but on the whole, No one! I bet if you went to take a tour of the white house, you’d leave with new and exciting knowledge about our presidents and the white house...and a pony. So, in conclusion, I think Santa would be an ideal choice. He’s always dressed in a suit and while it has been suggested that he has a history of breaking and entering, no formal charges have ever been filed and he has never been convicted. Vote Santa 2008. Thank you for your time. :)
