I work at a store. My job includes fixing electronic devices. I can’t say more or the swat team will fly in through my windows and take me away. If this blog goes unfinished... you know why. Any way... I meet people from all walks of life every day. Even though there is generally small talk exchanged, I often wonder if the guy wearing glasses and carrying a briefcase is actually a spy or perhaps the lady with Bump-It is actually an infomercial product model. While amassing the stories in my mind about the people I meet, a thought popped into my head. I wonder if a Vampire or a Werewolf ever came into our store. Followup question - Who would I rather help? Now obviously a Werewolf, pre-morph, and by Twilight standards (not that I have seen those movies... more than once...) means that I would be required to help an attractive guy sans shirt with rock hard abs. Umm.. end of conversation. You’d have to have been mauled by the Werewolf first, not to choose to help him. Even then, if you’re a girl and still alive, let’s be honest, you’d still choose to help the Werewolf.
Still, when the Werewolf morphs, his jean shorts seem to rip off so quickly that they disappear almost simultaneously. Physical damage to the product. Seeing as the probably have no recollection of the incident happening, a fight would ensue over whether they actually damaged the aforementioned product. I don’t have the time or energy to explain that even if the “other you” broke the product, it’s still your body, therefore, not my fault. Furthermore, there is a strong possibility that upon inspection of the device, there could be remnants of last nights “kill.” Seeing as I close my eyes during a surgery scene during Grey’s Anatomy, I’m thinking my stomach wouldn’t be able to handle potential flesh, hair and blood causing electronic malfunction. I actually just threw up in my mouth a little after thinking about the previous sentence.
Moving on... our other option is the Vampire. If a man came into my store looking down and to the left while looking as though a bottle of glitter threw up on him, the only thing that would proceed that encounter would be 20 minutes of solid laughter. Bonus points for making me laugh. Also, he would probably recall how the phone was damaged, so hopefully there wouldn’t be too much of an argument. Still, the liquid damage would probably be blood... and we know where I sit on that matter. Yet, it would be better than flesh... Finally, Vampires are super speedy, so I feel like they would run away before paying, which would leave me deprived of a job.
I think the finally factor needs to be how quickly can one escape if said Vampire or Werewolf tried to attack. I am pretty sure guns would not be appropriate in the work place, hence the ability to shoot the werewolf with a silver bullet may prove difficult. Whereas, if the vampire decided to attack, there is plenty of wood around and lots of boys who would enjoy making a stake to shove in one’s heart. Plus, if it’s day time I can always run outside and make them melt Wicked Witch style.
Therefore, I think my verdict is Vampire. Less arguing, more laughter and a solid escape route. Vampires welcome. Werewolves, there is another store down the street with appointments. Thanks for your time.
